I almost let a week go by without writing a blog. I am trying to write more often, but sometimes the brain is shut down. I have been feeling disconnected from life as I knew it. I feel uncomfortable at the Chesterfield. A place that was like my home for almost two years, and now I don't feel quite right there. It's not the same place it was a few months ago. The regulars aren't the same, the staff isn't the same, the vibe is definitely not the same. It makes me sad.
I read a piece in the Upper Room the other morning. The writer stated that he didn't like what he saw in the mirror. I can relate to that feeling. It did some good to hear that God says we should love ourselves and forgive ourselves, as he has done for us. We all look in the mirror to comb our hair, shave or put on makeup. But, do we really look at ourselves. I think that we just see the reflection of ourselves, not the person in the mirror. Many years ago when I was experimenting with the spirits that were available in the 70s, I spent a very long period of time looking into the mirror. I mean I looked at my face closer than I ever had, seeing every pore in my skin, every blood vessal in my eyes, every hair on my face. In the state of mind I was in, it was cool. A week ago I walked up to a mirror and did the same thing. Over 30 years of life have passed and it wasn't the same person that I saw in 1976.
I'm not talking about the physical appearance. I'm talking about looking into a mirror long enough to see into your heart and soul. Look past the surface of the glass. Look into your own eyes... deeply. What you see might surprise you. I plan to do this more often. I think it does a soul good to really see who you are. It confuses me, but I think with enough time, more long walks and solitude, I'll know myself again.